Post by Rainspark on Sept 4, 2009 21:05:58 GMT -5
Juniperstar had received his nine lives a few nights ago. SInce then, he couldn't stop thinking about Dawn's words. She wanted him to be happy and to move on. But he couldn't! Didn't she realize he couldn't be happy without her?
Time does terrible things to the memory. It cut him through and through when he thought about that. Her scent had faded from his nose, and when he tried to picture her, she was blurred, as if from a dream. If it hadn't been for the existence of Redpaw, he would have though he had dreamed her up. But Redpaw looked just like her, their pelts the same shade. The only different was his son had his blue eyes. How could he forget his first mate? He had truly loved her and had mourned for her for many long, lonely moons. He had raised Redpaw as best he could in the way he thought she would have. He had grown up well, and was a credit to this Clan now. But how could he move on? Wasn't that just saying his love for her hadn't been all that strong, if it couldn't even survive death. He would never give her up, never!
But he couldn't ignore those other feelings. His fur tingled whenever Heatherbreeze was around, like lightning was in his pelt. He admired the gleam in her eyes, the sheen of her pelt. But he couldn't possibly have feelings for her! Who wouldn't admire her? She was also a great addition to the Clan. But those feelings reminded him of when he first met Dawn. She had been a spirited kittypet. He had been padding by, and saw her on the fence. A bird flew right past her nose and she tried to catch it, and of course, fell off the fence. He didn't forget that memory, anyway. It was as clear as if it were yesterday.
But he couldn't lie to himself for long. He wanted Dawn to be with him now. But she was in StarClan. It would be a long time before he joined her, heck, he had nine lives. His duty was to serve this Clan. Must he really close his heart for that long? Dawn had told him to love again, but it didn't feel right. Was it right to give your heart to another cat when it already belonged to someone else? What else has she said... the move love you give, the more you recieve. Would his heart be able to handle all that love?
But time, though it erases, it also heals. The loss of his mate was more of a constant ache than a sharp, searing pain. It hadn't eased but he had become stronger, more tolerant of it. He could deal with it forever if he had to. But he had no intentions of doing that! In fact, Dawn was closer to him now than she had been since her death. She walked in his dreams.
His life wasn't over yet. A new one was just starting. Dawn was in the past, so maybe... he should just let go. It hurt to think that, and he felt guilty doing so. Dawn would never really be gone. Part of her lived in him and Redpaw still. But he had a long lifetime of service to his Clan ahead of him. He couldn't stay locked up and hidden forever. He couldn't grieve forever, could he? Part of him wanted to, but another part whispered to let go, and move on. To enjoy life to the fullest. That was the Dawn part. She had always been like that, so adventurous and free. That was why she left her kittypet life behind. She wanted to get out there and see it all, to do it all. Dawn would always be with him, but that didn't mean he couldn't share his heart again. It had adapted to contain her love and be open to more. He could already contain the Clan's and his son's. Why not another special someone? Wasn't it possible to love more than one cat in a lifetime? Love lasts a lifetime! Dawn would always be dear to him, and his first love, but if she wanted him to be happy, and wouldn't be happy until he was, why not give it a shot? What did he have left to lose?
Time does terrible things to the memory. It cut him through and through when he thought about that. Her scent had faded from his nose, and when he tried to picture her, she was blurred, as if from a dream. If it hadn't been for the existence of Redpaw, he would have though he had dreamed her up. But Redpaw looked just like her, their pelts the same shade. The only different was his son had his blue eyes. How could he forget his first mate? He had truly loved her and had mourned for her for many long, lonely moons. He had raised Redpaw as best he could in the way he thought she would have. He had grown up well, and was a credit to this Clan now. But how could he move on? Wasn't that just saying his love for her hadn't been all that strong, if it couldn't even survive death. He would never give her up, never!
But he couldn't ignore those other feelings. His fur tingled whenever Heatherbreeze was around, like lightning was in his pelt. He admired the gleam in her eyes, the sheen of her pelt. But he couldn't possibly have feelings for her! Who wouldn't admire her? She was also a great addition to the Clan. But those feelings reminded him of when he first met Dawn. She had been a spirited kittypet. He had been padding by, and saw her on the fence. A bird flew right past her nose and she tried to catch it, and of course, fell off the fence. He didn't forget that memory, anyway. It was as clear as if it were yesterday.
But he couldn't lie to himself for long. He wanted Dawn to be with him now. But she was in StarClan. It would be a long time before he joined her, heck, he had nine lives. His duty was to serve this Clan. Must he really close his heart for that long? Dawn had told him to love again, but it didn't feel right. Was it right to give your heart to another cat when it already belonged to someone else? What else has she said... the move love you give, the more you recieve. Would his heart be able to handle all that love?
But time, though it erases, it also heals. The loss of his mate was more of a constant ache than a sharp, searing pain. It hadn't eased but he had become stronger, more tolerant of it. He could deal with it forever if he had to. But he had no intentions of doing that! In fact, Dawn was closer to him now than she had been since her death. She walked in his dreams.
His life wasn't over yet. A new one was just starting. Dawn was in the past, so maybe... he should just let go. It hurt to think that, and he felt guilty doing so. Dawn would never really be gone. Part of her lived in him and Redpaw still. But he had a long lifetime of service to his Clan ahead of him. He couldn't stay locked up and hidden forever. He couldn't grieve forever, could he? Part of him wanted to, but another part whispered to let go, and move on. To enjoy life to the fullest. That was the Dawn part. She had always been like that, so adventurous and free. That was why she left her kittypet life behind. She wanted to get out there and see it all, to do it all. Dawn would always be with him, but that didn't mean he couldn't share his heart again. It had adapted to contain her love and be open to more. He could already contain the Clan's and his son's. Why not another special someone? Wasn't it possible to love more than one cat in a lifetime? Love lasts a lifetime! Dawn would always be dear to him, and his first love, but if she wanted him to be happy, and wouldn't be happy until he was, why not give it a shot? What did he have left to lose?
